Sometimes a few of us disregard our feelings about those around us. It took the passing of my father to make me realize what he really meant to me. Growing up he literally kicked my !donkey!, belted me, took a switch to the palm of my hand, yanked me around by my hair, etc. After he was gone, I could still hear him calling me during the night. Nobody can tell me it wasn't real!
Losing is gaining. Life is a test. Continuing on, reaps rewards later down the road. And if you can see the road ahead, it's not worth the trip.
Hang in there dear friend, your rewards are still to come.